Dear You,

Hindi mo alam kung gaano ako kaaffected sa mga nangyayari ngayon. Feeling ko nga wala kang pakialam eh, na okay lang sayo to. Mas moody ka pa sakin eh, alam mo yun? Kahapon ang saya saya pa natin, pinakilala mo pa ko sa pamilya mo, tapos ngayon ano na? Parang isinantabi mo lang yung mga nangyari kahapon. Kaya ka ba nagkakaganyan dahil dun sa sinabi ng adviser natin? My Gawd naman. Hindi ko rin namang ginustong banggitin niya yun sa harap ng mga classmates natin eh. Kung yun ang dahilan, wag mo naman sanang ibuntong sakin yang pagkainis mo. Akala ko okay tayo eh. Nung di mo pagsagot sa tanong ko kanina, ayos pa sana sakin yun eh. Pero nung pag-iwan mo sakin kaninang uwian? Kagaguhan. Ano ba naman sana yung magsabi ka lang man na uuwi ka ng maaga kesyo ganito, kesyo ganyan. Hindi mo kailangang iwan ako dun na parang di mo ko obligasyon. Nakakainis ka na ha. Napakainsensitive mo. Kung may problema tayo, sabihin mo! Hindi yung bigla bigla ka na lang di magpaparamdam, nakakap*ta eh. KUNG ALAM MO LANG KUNG GAANO AKO NASASAKTAN NGAYON. Siguro nga wala ka talagang pake kahit di na tayo magkaayos. Sige! Dedma kung dedma! Napapagod na ako, lagi na lang ako yung nanunuyo kung nagkakaproblema tayo. Ang gusto ko lang naman mag-effort ka kapag dumadaan tayo sa mga ganitong sitwasyon. Ipakita mo na ayaw mo kong mawala sayo!

Stupid Day

Hi, I hope nobody else can read this. I have no one to talk to now, so I'm just going to vent out my feelings here because it's so much easier and I think I can express my feelings more. Wow! It's been a long time since I've posted something in my blog. And because of that I have decided to write down all the good and bad things that happen everyday. So anyway, this day totally sucks. Do you freakin' know how much it hurts to see your loved one being linked to someone else? Especially when it's his ex-crush? OMG I swear to gawd I felt like crying. It was lunch time and we (I was with my friend, Gian) just got back from somewhere. And right after I stepped inside our room, I overheard my classmates linking him with her. It just hurts so freaking much. So I asked my friend to accompany me in the ICT room because the view in our room was unbearable to watch. The worst part is he acts like he doesn't care about my feelings. He didn't even approach me this whole day and I've been expecting a call or text from him saying sorry about what happened earlier, that it wasn't his intention to do that and guess what? He didn't and that just made the situation worse. I know that he loves me, I just wish sometimes he'd act like he really do. If he doesn't want to talk to me, fine! I wont talk to him either. I've had enough.

Fear of Falling In Love Again

Kadalasan satin pag nasaktan na, takot nang magmahal muli. Iniisip kasi natin ang mga pasakit na naidudulot ng pag-ibig. Maiwanan, paasahin, maloko at ang ipagpalit, ilan lang yan sa mga pinakamasaklap na pakiramdam sa mundo. Minsan ito rin ang rason kung bakit nanghihinayang tayong magmahal matapos masaktan, sa takot na baka maramdaman ulit ang mga bagay na ito.

Dahil sa panghihinayang na buksang muli ang pinto sa iba, nakakasakit na tayo ng di namamalayan. Paano na lang ang nagmamahal sa atin ng lubos? Hindi ba natin sila bibigyan ng pagkakataon upang iparamdam satin na karapat dapat tayong mahalin ng tunay? Hindi dapat natin pagsarhan ng pinto ang mga taong handang ipakita satin na mahal nila tayo. Hindi ko sinasabi na hindi na mauulit ang mga pasakit na nangyari noon, ang gusto ko lang iparating, maging bukas ang damdamin sa iba. Huwag tayong maging bitter. Kung anuman ang naranasan sa past, dapat magsilbing aral ito satin. Hindi ka pwedeng mabuhay sa nakaraan, kailangan nating magpatuloy. Magpatawad at kalimutan siya. Buksan ang puso at magmahal ng iba. Gayunpaman, hindi dapat magmadali. Hinatyin munang maghilom ang sugat na naiwan sayo ng nakaraan.

 Sa buhay, may mga tao mang mawawala, may papalit parin at yung mga taong papalit ang magpupuno ng pagkukulang ng nakaraan.

bloggin'

xx, The PoseidonKid

The Irony Of Love

The bravest thing a girl can do is to be happy for the man he loves happy with someone else.

Isn't it ironic? Loving someone who loves someone else, unfair right? All we ever wanted was to be loved back by the people we love. It's not that difficult to do, right? Maybe that's what love is all about. Accepting reality and moving on. They said, love is a matter of giving and taking it back. But in reality, not all you give is given back to you. You don't always get what you want, that's true. Love is such a fatal thing. It can make you happy then send you to the depths of hell (well, not literally). You won't understand unless you experienced it.

Pretending that you are not affected is hard. Pretending that you are happy for the both of them is heartbreaking. Either way, you chose to take a step backward for the sake of their happiness. Sacrificing your own feelings just to see the love of your life happy with someone else. How pathetic. Even though we didn't want this to happen, there's nothing else we can do. The decision has been made. You love him, he loves someone else. And there you are, sitting in the corner of the room, crying for what seems like an endless cycle. Then the regrets come to life. The I-wish-I've-never-met-you was usual. You blame him for the heartbreak you are facing now. You blame him for making you fall in love with him. I think the very reason for all of this is that you expected. One small thing that is done, you immediately assume. And when you got your heart broken, all the mistakes were blamed unto him. It was also your mistake you've got to experience through that. You are responsible for your own actions. I think it's not right to think that you wish you've never even met him because somehow, he once made you so happy that it makes you wanna say: Living is wonderful. Expectation, it just ruins everything.

In order to grow up we need to experience pain. One thing I learned about love is that, if you are not ready to catch someone, then don't make him/her fall for you. Love can make a person go crazy. Now the important thing is, you have to be wise on whom you choose to give your love. Our heart is precious and fragile. We have to take care of it because when the right guy/girl comes in our way, we will be able to give them unconditional love that they were longing.

bloggin'

xx, ThePoseidonKid

Facing Heartbreak

Dear Guy that I loved so much,


I wish I can just delete all the memories I've had with you. I wish every time you cross my mind I would not feel any pain, even the slightest ache. I wish I could talk to you and act as if nothing ever happened between us. But unfortunately, I can't. Or today isn't the day all these things would happen. It's hard to let go of someone that once meant the whole world to you. 

You made me feel like you really like me and then suddenly leave me hanging. Why would you blame it all on me when all I ever did was to love you as much as I could? Do you think I have no idea on what was happening between you and your ex? Do you think I didn't know all the things you said and did to her? And now you're making me feel like I'm the one who cheated on you? Let me tell you, that's complete and utter bullshit. I know everything but I was too blind to believe. I just didn't tell you because I was too afraid that if I did tell you or even ask you about it, all the rumors that I heard about you would turn out to be true. I didn't let you know that I was affected because I was thinking that if ever I brought this topic on you, we would have tons of arguments and maybe end up losing you. I kept it to myself but still the outcome was the same. And now I've come to the realization that it's a shame I've let myself hurt by the same guy twice. 

In my point of view, I think you didn't deserve a girl who loved you unconditionally and whole-heartedly even if you've hurt her a thousand times without you knowing it. How can you be so numb to not even notice every suffering and pain I was dealing with when I was still blinded by the idea of being in love with you? Tell me, was it easy? Telling all those cute stuffs to her and don't mean every little thing you say?

I'm not being bitter about you.. I just want to let my feelings out. After all, I deserve this. I'm just done. I don't want to be, I miss "us" but I'm just getting hurt. I'm going to make myself get over you, no matter how hard it is, no matter how much it hurts, I need to move on. As much as you'd like to start talking to someone else, to forget about you, I'm going to do everything but to break the ignorance of my thick skull and to forget how much you meant to me, how happy you once made me. Soon enough, you'll just be a distant memory. I can't say I'm over you, but soon enough, I will be. It's hard since you were once so important to me, a part of my daily routine. I'm wasting time wishing and thinking, wondering and pondering, I'm wasting time, I wasted time. But I'm done. Sincerely and genuinely, I want to be done.

bloggin'

xx, ThePoseidonKid

Holding On To The Past

We used to look eye to eye
But she arrived and held us apart
I'm wondering how you can't see the way my eyes light up when you smile
You never notice how I stop and stare
Whenever you pass by
And you can't see me wanting you the way you want her
Why can't you see that she'll never gonna love you the way I want to

You're a tiny piece of my heart,
Like a song I tried to sing;
A note I cannot hit
And as the tiny piece floats away from the whole
I decided it's time for me to wave goodbye

But as you pass by
Under the silhouette
Of the open sky
Still, I looked with great desire of how I simplify
The wish I can't deny of you to be mine. 

This is a poem I wrote about a guy whom I loved since the day I met him and is inspired by his unfair treatment of love. This poem is actually composed of some lyrics to the song Invisible by Taylor Swift, which in some instance, is actually the best song to describe my feelings for him. Of all the boys that have passed and I have met throughout my life, I do not know exactly why it has to be him, to be the one holding my heart up until now. And I hate the fact that I'm still hoping for him to be mine. Yes, it's true, there is always going to be that one person you wish you could be with, even after knowing that person doesn't want to be with you. But isn't it unfair to be hoping for that one guy who broke my heart when there is someone out there who's honestly and unconditionally loving me with all his heart? I cannot hurt him, I cannot leave him hanging on and still hoping for me because he somehow changed all his wrong-doings and bad attitudes just so he can look good in my eyes. So that I can love him as much as he loves me. I feel bad for myself, I feel like I'm betraying him... When I'm with him, all I ever think about is my first love. I feel guilty for letting him fall for me. Or maybe, I'm just confused. To be able to love someone truly, you have to let go of your past first. And that's what I'm gonna do now. Move on. Accept the reality and smile. 

A simple crush somehow grew to an unforgettable love. Somehow I thought that he is my first love because no matter how badly he has hurt me, no matter how much tears and pain he has put me through... I will always love him and he will always be in my heart. Now that's a promise of forever and always.

bloggin'

xx, ThePoseidonKid